The Rock Bible Read online

  Copyright © 2008 by Chunklet, LLC

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2008924742

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-816-5

  Trade Paperback ISBN: 978-1-59474-269-9

  Designed by Bryn Ashburn

  Illustrations by Jonathan Williams

  Assembled, organized, edited, and manifested by Henry H. Owings

  Original concept by Henry H. Owings and Brian Teasley

  Quirk Books

  215 Church Street

  Philadelphia, PA 19106

  quirkbooks.com

  v3.1

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  PREFACE

  INTRODUCTION

  A LITTLE ROCK BIBLE ESSAY

  Genesis

  The Gospel According to the Drummer

  The Gospel According to the Guitar & Bass Players

  The Gospel According to the Singer

  The Gospel According to the Keyboardist

  The Gospel According to the Band

  The Gospel According to the Crew

  The Gospel According to the Fan

  The Book of Revelation

  APPENDIX

  The Saints & the Sinners

  Thanks

  List of Contributors

  Although there is much knowledge and understanding—even mastery—of rock and roll, there is much that is still unknown of its origin. Whence did The Rock Bible come? This generally accepted script, commonly referred to as the hallowed “Chunklet Version,” was culled from scribes and ciphers in its near apocryphal form. Although perfect in almost every aspect, it still has many holes. Just a glance at the lineage will reveal that it can be traced on a bloodline only as far back as the turn of the last century. However, it takes only a cursory glance at a used record bin at a local record store to see that rock’s family tree is considerably older, wiser, and much more desperately in need of a bath than anybody could ever anticipate. When considering the rampant anachronism of rock—whether it be medieval, tribal, oriental, mystical, or a bizarrely Bohemian combination of all of these—rock scholars must assume that rock—as it is known today—can be proven only as old as a century. Yet its existence may be as old as the dawn of humanity. In fact, it is that primary assumption that has brought us everything we currently know about the subject.

  So how do we know what is known so far in The Rock Bible? It was written on musty walls in rock club bathrooms, tucked away in album liner notes, scrawled on the sides of road cases, and strewn over the floors of countless tour buses. The Rock Bible’s origins come from the youngest of the young to the most fossilized of fossilized bands. For years, rock scholars have worked diligently searching for rock’s most puzzling questions. However, these scholars have never been known to be the sharpest bunch. In 1981, they believed that rock was invented in the 1960s and later perfected in the 1970s. It is from this very critical misunderstanding that the misnomer “classic rock” originated. In the ’80s, there was a shift in the belief that perfection had been achieved, and scholars began to look toward the future for the answer. This led to a generation of music whose style and substance were as disposable as the musical equipment with which it was performed. It was soon discovered that all of their throw-away bleeps and bloops were just aching to be nothing more than the sum of their rock ancestors.

  Finally, once the pot haze lifted, rock scholars backpedaled to say that rock was born when the southern United States* pulled their heads out of the red clay and discovered rock under a pile of burnt cinders left behind from an old-fashioned book burning. And from this, rock was born. It was not until very recently that scholars made a monumental breakthrough when ancient texts were unearthed that proved rock’s age to be more than twice that originally believed and that there was even more to be discovered about its genealogy. These ancient texts were deciphered from a scratched-up 78 dredged from an abandoned farmhouse in Abingdon, Virginia. The artist, heretofore credited as Deaf Smokey Green, sang a song titled “That Rock, It Rolled,” which was about a rock that he bought from a rich white guy. When Green thought he had been double-crossed, it turned out that this rock was the ancient key to playing the blues. He accidentally dropped it off a cliff, and chased after it, but it was forever lost. Finding this rock, and subsequently breaking its code, was critical in the interpretation of what you read here today. So you might be asking yourself where we found the rock. It was bought off an aging record collector in Maryland whose love of money is far greater than his actual love of the rock.

  So as the broken beer bottles and cigarette butts are swept from rock’s altar, let The Rock Bible live! As the throngs of rowdy concert-goers are herded out of the church, let it ring out! For those who heckled during communion, let it endure! And for those who asked for autographs, let it humbly exist. For those about to embark on their journey of reading this, The Rock Bible will last eternally.

  HENRY H. OWINGS

  *This is excluding Florida which, other than its geographic location, has never been Southern.

  The Bible. The epic window into which humans can see God. The celestial ascent into one supreme spiritual law. The inspired word of God set forth in the sole guide one needs for true divinity. THE ONE AND ONLY HOLY BOOK OF GOD OUR FREAKING LORD AND SAVIOR. I read such things as I scroll through literally hundreds of Bibles and books about the Bible at my local mega-mart bookstore. The Bible, it seems, far outnumbers any other book or movie franchise in sequels, spin-offs, and deleted scenes. If God intended to have only one sacred piece of work, then he sure didn’t count on all the sub-par rip-off acts he would inspire.

  Jesus … Effin’ … Christ! Excuse me, but there are more than 3,000 translations of the Bible in English alone. Not to mention all the thousands of guidebooks that litter shelves like rat droppings. There are even hip, magazine-sized blurb Bibles for the pre- and just post-pubescent that read and look like very prudish versions of adult fashion magazines. Not only that, there are porn mags for Christians done by porn actors/actresses who have waited until marriage to have sex with another porn actor/actress who has also waited until marriage to have sex with the aforementioned partner he or she just married. Okay, I just made that up, but maybe that’s because I want to dream it to come true!

  Anyway, as I peruse the aisles of planet corporate bookstore, I realize something: Who else seems to have a lot of Bibles besides these crazy Christians? Golfers. Golfers seem to love golf Bibles or Bibles with plaid-sweatered golf motifs. Actually, it seems that every two-bit hobby has a Bible … except for rock and roll. But why should we introduce a new Bible unto the already festering heap of unread thin-sheeted parables? Never before has the overwhelming majority of Christians been rivaled by another group. Until now! Now, there is a new demographic disease spreading like salmonella in a bowl of frat boy barf. That’s right dear reader.… The group I refer to is you and your lousy band.

  It is time we punished you for all your sins and sent you on the way of the enlightened. And why us? Because it is the staff of Chunklet World Industries who has suffered through all your feeble attempts at noise-making. We have bore the brunt of your feeble first misfires; your butterfingered live show blundering, your soulless, sloppy-second sophomoric studio hijinks; your mopey, makeshift stylistic missteps; and, our favorite, your inevitable career-ending mistakes. Furthermore, we have fully notorized authority to write this book because, in full disclosure, most of us play in lousy bands ourselves, or at least load in the gear, tune the guitars, set the lights, promote the show, design the posters, sweep the floors, or count the money. Yours truly
has clocked in for more than 2,500 shows with a wide variety of bands, and I have actually seen, smelt, and dealt every shade of horrible imaginable.

  So stand on our shoulders, dear rocker—the shoulders of rock. You can view this book as an all-purpose guide to how not to be in a crappy band or translate the Bible of Rock into your otherwise rockless civilian life. No matter. What you hold before you will inevitably be outselling the Bible itself. Unlike fossil fuels or good band names, there is no foreseeable end to bad music. That is, unless you heed our divine word and follow this book as if it were a Bible—which it is. It is indeed The Rock Bible. And so what if we didn’t die for your sins? What have you ever done for us?

  BRIAN TEASLEY

  The embracing of rock and roll has become a lazy pastime for consumers and spectators. There’s no sincerity in it. Rock is “funny” to those who are not funny, and rock is easy for those who don’t know how to rock but need a career makeover. Every shitty fourth or fifth album by a once-decent band is the one that “goes back to the rock.” Conversely, rock never died. Musicians who say that are just trying to over-intellectualize their own pretentious crap. And yet rock is in trouble, and some rules need to be adhered to. That’s why this book is important.

  When it takes someone like played-out and prosaic garbage Tenacious D to qualify as rock culture satire, you know that we live in the ultimate culture of creative bankruptcy. This level of rock commentary is designed to make thirty-something, Dockers-donning, borderline date rapists laugh while they say things like “lemme buy you a drink” at a wedding reception’s free bar. Just look at the types of people who laugh at rock. Any asshole who’s discovered rock music through the recordings of the Eagles of Death Metal just needs to go back to trading tit comments at the water cooler.

  Rock has lost something and needs a set of rules. Sadly, in this day and age the only true way to rock is to commit suicide on stage. Given the current glut of awful rock bands, this proposed trend couldn’t hurt. Regardless, there are ways to Rock-It-Up and non-rocking bad habits to alleviate. This book serves the veteran and the charlatan. Don’t feel bad if you just discovered Thin Lizzy last year (but for God’s sake, don’t tell anyone). You can be helped. And for the old-ass windbags and retro-robots out there: This is the 21st century. Nothing that was made in the ’50s or early ’60s still rocks.

  It is my hope that The Rock Bible finds its way into the glove compartments of all touring bands’ vans and/or buses. I hope that it changes the face of music, thus creating more music that actually does rock.

  ANDREW EARLES

  N the beginning, Thomas Edison invented the phonograph, which begat the publishing of “Memphis Blues” by Hart Wand in 1912 (often credited as the first blues title), which begat W. C. Handy writing “St. Louis Blues” (often credited as the first real blues song) in 1914, which begat the Chicago Automatic Machine & Tool Company inventing the jukebox in 1915, which begat the bluesman Leadbelly being imprisoned for murder in 1917, which begat Buster Smith’s move to Dallas, which begat “Blind” Lemon Jefferson recording “Long Lonesome Blues” for Paramount in Chicago in 1926, which begat “Blind” Lemon Jefferson becoming the first commercially successful bluesman, which begat the words “rock and roll” (which were black slang for sexual intercourse) appearing on record for the first time in Trixie Smith’s “My Man Rocks Me with One Steady Roll” in 1922, which begat the introduction of the 78 RPM record in 1929, which begat the George Beauchamp invention of the electric guitar known as the Frying Pan in 1931, which begat the release of Count Basie’s “One O’Clock Jump” in 1937, which begat John Hammond’s staging of the “Spirituals to Swing” concert in New York City to highlight black musical styles in 1938, which begat Leo Mintz opening “The Record Rendezvous” a Cleveland, Ohio, store specializing in “race” music in 1939, which later begat the playing of those records by DJ Alan Freed, which launched the rock ’n’ roll era, which begat the debut of Billboard Magazine’s Harlem Hit Parade to chart the top singles in the “race” field, a precursor to rhythm & blues, in 1942, which begat the slowing growth of rhythm blues music due to the onset of World War II, resulting in limited record production until the war’s end in 1945, which begat the opening in 1943 of King Records in Cincinnati, Ohio, to record hillbilly music, which begat the formation of Modern Records, one of the most successful and groundbreaking R&B labels in the country, by the Bihari family of Los Angeles in 1945, which begat the invention by people like Pierre Schaeffer and the engineers at Sun Records of echo-delay, a multitrack recording technique, which begat the formation of Imperial Records by Lew Chudd, which begat 1946’s biggest hit ever (“Choo Choo Ch’Boogie”) in the increasingly popular jump blues style, which begat the 1947 introduction by The Ravens of a new form of harmony singing featuring a bass vocalist floating on top of the melody, which begat the 1947 start of Atlantic Records by Ahmet Ertegun and Herb Abramson, which begat the term “rhythm & blues,” coined by future Atlantic Records producer Jerry Wexler, which begat the #1 R&B hit by The Orioles “It’s Too Soon to Know,” the first rock ballad, which begat the June 1948 Columbia launch of the vinyl 12-inch 33 1/3 RPM album, which begat the saxophone becoming the centerpiece sound of R&B, which begat the electric guitar taking hold with the blues recordings of T-Bone Walker, John Lee Hooker, and Muddy Waters, which begat failing white Memphis radio station WDIA hiring Nat Williams, the first black DJ, and also the hiring of B.B. King and Rufus Thomas as DJs, which begat the March 31, 1949, introduction by RCA Victor of the smaller and cheaper 45 RPM record along with a small, inexpensive record player for $12.95, which begat the massive hit “Saturday Night Fish Fry,” which marks the end of the jump blues dominance of the 1940s, which begat Jimmy Preston’s raucous “Rock the Joint,” pointing toward a new horizon of rock ’n’ roll, which begat the 1950 release of Fats Domino’s first record “The Fat Man,” ushering in the full-fledged rock sound, which begat huge smashes and chart toppers by Little Esther, Mel Walker, The Robins, Ivory Joe Hunter, Percy Mayfield, and Laurie Tate, which begat the record “Hot Rod Race” by Arkie Shibley & His Mountain Dew Boys, which set the stage for white country music to meet R&B in a term to be known as “rockabilly,” which begat Atlantic Record’s first #1 record of the ’50s, which was Ruth Brown’s “Teardrops from My Eyes,” which begat the 1951 wave of young black vocal groups The Five Keys, The Clovers, and The Dominoes, which begat the introduction of the first jukebox playing 45 RPM records, which begat Sam Phillips of Memphis recording Ike Turner’s band performing “Rocket 88,” which further cemented rock’s future as raucous, exciting, and dangerous, which begat Les Paul’s dazzling electric guitar work on the #1 hit “How High the Moon,” which begat the June 1951 “Moondog Show,” by Cleveland DJ Alan Freed on WJW, broadcasting nothing but R&B, which begat the 1952 recording of “Rock the Joint” by renegade white country-and-western swing band Bill Haley and the Saddlemen, which begat the white pop vocalist Johnny Ray’s recording of the two-sided smash “Cry” b/w “The Little White Cloud That Cried,” which begat the belief that Johnny Ray was both black and a woman, which begat the recording of massive hits by Johnny Ace, B. B. King, Bobby “Blue” Bland, Lloyd Price, Fats Domino, and Charles Brown, which begat the first hit “Hard Times” written by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, which begat Sam Phillips starting his own label, Sun Records, in Memphis, with their first release being Johnny London’s “Drivin’ Slow,” which begat on the night of March 21, 1952, DJ Alan Freed putting on the first ever rock ‘n’ roll show in Cleveland, which begat in 1953 Bill Haley changing his group’s name to Bill Haley & the Comets and recording the first white rock hit, “Crazy Man Crazy,” which begat the R&B charts beginning to reflect the overwhelming dominance of emerging rock ’n’ roll, which begat the selling of 15 million R&B records bought in 1953, which began to draw attention in the industry but failed to note the growing interest among young white audiences that would soon have a major impact on society as a whole, which begat Ray Charles in 1954 forming hi
s own band, which begat the R&B music explosion into the mainstream, which begat the pop record companies trying to capitalize on the perceived fad by having white artists cover black vocal-group records with increased distribution and radio play, assuring that many of those versions would become bigger hits, which begat widespread bans of such records as “Honey Love,” “Such a Night,” “Sexy Ways,” and “Work with Me Annie,” which begat the attendance of 10,000 fans at Alan Freed’s first East Coast Rock ’n’ Roll Show held in Newark, New Jersey, which was further proof that rock ’n’ roll had national appeal, which begat Freed moving to New York’s WINS and quickly becoming the city’s most famous DJ, attracting massive audiences to his newly named “Rock ’n’ Roll Party,” which begat in Memphis Elvis Presley recording his first commercial hit “That’s All Right, Mama” at Sun Studios, which begat the first tragedy of rock ’n’ roll when its biggest star, Johnny Ace, accidentally shot and killed himself when playing Russian roulette backstage at a Houston auditorium between shows on Christmas night, which begat in 1955 the Bill Haley and the Comets hit “Rock Around the Clock,” from the film Blackboard Jungle, becoming the first rock record to top the pop charts for two months and remaining in the top 100 for a record 38 weeks, a record that would stand for 39 years, which begat Chuck Berry’s “Maybellene” cracking the Top 5 on the pop charts and ushering in descending pentatonic double stops, which became the essence of rock guitar, which begat Bo Diddley’s self-titled debut record topping the R&B charts and introducing the tribal “Bo Diddley” beat to rock, which begat radio blackballing of The Midnighters, which begat a May 1955 rock ’n’ roll show by Fats Domino in Connecticut being cancelled for fear it would lead to rioting, which begat the banning of all further rock concerts in the state, which begat Boston following suit and banning dirty rock records from being played on the air, which begat the prevalence of censorship, with Pat Boone having the biggest impact with his watered-down versions of R&B hits, which begat Elvis Presley’s contract being bought by RCA for the unheard of price of $35,000, which begat Encyclopedia Britannica’s referring to rock music as “jungle music,” which begat in 1956 Elvis Presley’s appearance in his national television debut on The Dorsey Brothers Stage Show in late January and a month later his first RCA record, “Heartbreak Hotel,” racing up the charts neck and neck with his former Sun Records cohort Carl Perkins’s “Blue Suede Shoes” as they claimed the #1 and #2 spots, which begat Presley scoring five #1 hits in a seven-month span, causing a sensation with his explosive performance of “Hound Dog” on The Milton Berle Show, appearing twice on The Ed Sullivan Show in the fall to enormous ratings, and releasing his first film in November, which begat rock ’n’ roll entering the movies with cheaply made “rocksploitation” films by rockers singing their latest hits, the biggest and best of which was The Girl Can’t Help It, starring Jayne Mansfield and featuring performances by Little Richard, Fats Domino, and Eddie Cochran, which begat the invention of feedback by The Johnny Burnette Rock ’n’ Roll Trio on their record “The Train Kept A-Rollin,” which begat the conviction of Gene Vincent for public obscenity with a fine of $10,000 by the state of Virginia for singing the erotic “Woman Love” onstage, which begat “I Put a Spell on You” by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins selling more than one million records but facing a complete radio ban due to its “cannibalistic nature,” thus becoming rock’s first underground hit, which begat Elvis Presley’s final Ed Sullivan appearance being filmed from the waist up, which begat the filming of Jailhouse Rock, considered the best rock film, starring Elvis Presley and introducing a precursor to the rock video, with the title song’s elaborate jail-cell setting choreographed by Presley himself, which begat Bill Haley & the Comets’ European tour setting off riots and bringing rock ’n’ roll to that continent for the first time, which begat an Australian tour featuring Jerry Lee Lewis and Buddy Holly making rock a worldwide phenomenon, which begat Lewis’s performance of “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On” on The Steve Allen Show, bringing rock music more reprimands as Lewis kicked over his piano stool and played the keyboards with disturbing, wild-eyed intensity, which begat the stroll becoming the first dance associated with rock, which begat the cancellation of Alan Freed’s short-lived televised rock ’n’ roll show when complaints poured in over black teenage singer Frankie Lymon dancing on screen with a white girl, which begat society’s first move to tame rock ’n’ roll with the launch of ABC television’s American Bandstand, which begat the Everly Brothers hit “Wake Up Little Susie” being banned from the airwaves due to lyrical content, which begat Little Richard, while on a tour in Australia, seeing the Russian satellite Sputnik descending to earth and taking it as a sign from God to quit rock ’n’ roll and join the ministry, which begat in 1958 the induction of Elvis Presley into the U.S. Army for a two-year hitch overseas, which begat Ricky Nelson’s “Poor Little Fool,” boasting his first #1 record, which begat Alan Freed being indicted by Boston authorities for inciting a riot at a rock ’n’ roll show he promoted because the audience stormed the stage during both Jerry Lee Lewis’s and Chuck Berry’s closing sets, which begat Jerry Lee Lewis’s first British tour ending in scandal when people learned his third wife was his 13-year-old second cousin, forcing Lewis to cut the tour short and getting him blackballed by American radio and television upon his return to the United States, which begat the hits “Summertime Blues,” “Sweet Little Sixteen,” and “Yakety Yak,” all focusing on teenagers’ struggles with parents, which begat Chuck Willis’s double-sided, posthumous hit “What Am I Living For/Hang Up My Rock ’n’ Roll Shoes” being the first rock record released in stereo engineered by Tom Dowd of Atlantic Records, which begat the power chord first appearing in records by guitarists Link Wray and Eddie Cochran, which begat distortion for electric guitar being first used by Lowman Pauling and a primitive form of fuzz bass being found on some records, which begat “Hard-Headed Woman” by Elvis Presley becoming the first rock record to “go gold,” which begat the deaths in 1959 of Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper in a plane crash while on tour in Clearlake, Iowa, on February 3, which begat that date becoming known as “The Day the Music Died,” which begat the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences sponsoring the first Grammy Awards ceremony for music, which begat Frank Sinatra winning his first Grammy award, which begat Congress opening the payola hearings designed to squash rock ’n’ roll DJs who received money from record distributors in exchange for airplay, a common practice in all forms of radio for years, with Alan Freed, its main target and biggest casualty, being found guilty and taken off the air, which begat radio stations responding by voluntarily putting severe restrictions on what they would play, including a widely adopted Top 40 format that limited how many songs were approved for airing, which begat Dick Clark distancing himself from rock ’n’ roll’s bad image as he increasingly showcased the untalented “teen idols” on American Bandstand, which begat the rock instrumental having its biggest year ever in response to rock music facing bans for lyrical content, which begat Ray Charles bursting into the mainstream after years as an R&B star with “What’d I Say,” which begat a new version of The Drifters using strings and introducing Latin rhythms to rock with the hit “There Goes My Baby,” which begat the start of Tamia-Motown Records by Berry Gordy, which eventually became the most successful black-owned and black-operated company in American history with 600 million records sold, which begat the market share for rock ’n’ roll increasing from 15.7 to 42.7 percent, making it the fastest-growing style of music ever, which begat John Coltrane forming his own quartet in 1960 and becoming the voice of jazz’s New Wave movement, which begat Elvis Presley’s appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show after his service in the army, which begat in 1961 big soul hits for groups like The Shirelles, The Marvelettes, and Dion, splitting from the Belmonts, which begat Patsy Cline releasing “I Fall to Pieces” and “Crazy,” which helped her cross over from country to pop, which begat in 1962 the release of The Supremes’ first record by Motown and t
he twist taking off, which begat Surf music ruling the airwaves in 1963, which begat The Beatles hitting America in 1964, leading the British invasion, which begat Bob Dylan plugging in at the Newport Folk Festival in 1965, spawning folk rock, which begat The Monkees’ television series in 1966, which begat The Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds album, which begat the beginning of the Monterey Pop Festival in 1967, which begat the open-air rock festival concept, which begat the release of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles, which begat Cream issuing their first two albums, which begat The Velvet Underground hooking up with Andy Warhol, which begat the MC5 playing the Grande Ballroom on October 30/31, 1968, and recording “Kick Out the Jams,” which begat Elektra signing The Stooges after a record exec saw them opening for the MC5, which begat the Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention release of “We’re Only in It for the Money” in 1968, which begat the 1969 Woodstock Music & Arts Festival drawing one half million fans to Max Yasgur’s Farm in New York and the introduction of The Who’s rock opera Tommy, which begat the 1970 fusion of jazz with rock to form jazz-rock or fusion, which begat the 1970 deaths of Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin from drug overdoses within one month of each other, which begat the release of The Grateful Dead’s Workingman’s Dead and American Beauty and the breakup of The Beatles, which begat the 1971 deaths of Jim Morrison (The Doors) and Duane Allman (Allman Bros. Band) and the release of songwriter Carole King’s Tapestry, which begat Smokey Robinson leaving The Miracles to go solo in 1972, which begat the 1973 record-breaking tour of Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd’s release of Dark Side of the Moon, which begat the Jamaican film The Harder They Come starring Jimmy Cliff launching the popularity of reggae music in the U.S., which begat the 1974 tour of Bob Dylan and The Band and the release of Patti Smith’s “Hey Joe,” which is considered to be the first punk-rock single, which begat Cleveland’s Rocket from the Tombs splitting into Pere Ubu and the Dead Boys, which begat The New York Dolls imploding in 1975 in Florida while on tour and their manager Malcolm McLaren fleeing back to London to try to re-create a more manageable version of the band later by way of The Sex Pistols, which begat in 1975 Television recording a demo tape with Brian Eno for Island Records, who then decided not to sign the band, which begat Richard Hell leaving the band to form The Heartbreakers with former New York Dolls guitarist Johnny Thunders, which begat The Sex Pistols playing their first gig at St. Martin’s College, opening for Bazooka Joe, whose lead singer, Stuart Goddard, soon changed his name to Adam Ant and formed his own punk band called Adam and the Ants, which begat Rod Stewart officially quitting The Faces and Bruce Springsteen releasing “Born to Run,” which begat Stevie Wonder’s 1976 release of Songs in the Key of Life, which would win five Grammy awards, and the release of Frampton Comes Alive, which begat The Ramones making their first non-U.S. appearance supporting the Flamin’ Groovies at the Roundhouse, which begat the UK punk scene, which begat Malcolm McLaren organizing a two-day punk festival at the 100 Club on Oxford Street in London with performers Subway Sect, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Clash, The Sex Pistols, Stinky Toys, Chris Spedding, The Vibrators, The Damned, and The Buzzcocks, which begat the punk fanzine publication of Sniffin’ Glue, which begat Mark Perry forming the band Alternative TV, which begat the releases of The Damned, The Saints, and The Sex Pistols’ first singles, “New Rose,” “(I’m) Stranded,” and “Anarchy in the UK,” respectively, which begat the Anarchy Tour with The Sex Pistols, The Damned, and The Clash, which begat the appearance of The Sex Pistols and several members of the Bromley Contingent, including Siouxsie Sioux and Steve Severin live on ITV to be interviewed by TV host William Grundy at which the band unleashed a torrent of curse words, which begat the following day’s headline in the Daily Mirror, “The Filth and the Fury,” which begat the 1977 disco influence being felt as Saturday Night Fever became a best-selling album, which begat the release of Meatloaf’s Bat Out of Hell, which begat The Sex Pistols’ release of God Save the Queen, which reached #2 on the British charts before it was banned by BBC Radio 1 and the title was left blank in the chart listings, which begat the opening of The Roxy Club in London at which The Clash played, which begat the firing of bassist Glen Matlock from The Sex Pistols, which begat his replacement being Sid Vicious, which begat Matlock forming The Rich Kids, which begat The Stranglers embarking on a 3-month nationwide tour, which begat The Sex Pistols renting a boat to take them down the Thames River during Queen Elizabeth II’s Silver Jubilee anniversary celebration, where the police forced the boat to dock and several Pistol fans were injured in the melee and arrested, including Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren, Vivienne Westwood, and Bromley Contingent members Tracie O’Keefe and Debbie Juvenile, which begat Roxy Club DJ Don Letts filming The Punk Rock Movie, which begat the release of The Sex Pistols album Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols, whic h re ached #1 on the British charts (despite being banned by most of Britain’s record shops), which begat the October 20 plane crash killing 4 members of Lynyrd Skynyrd, which begat the 1977 death of Elvis Presley at age 42, which begat the 1978 introduction of the Sony Walkman, the first portable stereo, which begat Van Halen releasing their first album in 1978, which begat SST Records being formed by the Black Flag guitarist/founder Greg Ginn, which begat the end of The Sex Pistols’s disastrous U.S. tour, during which Johnny Rotten walked off the stage at their Winterland concert in San Francisco, famously uttering, “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?” which begat Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious being charged with murder in connection with the stabbing death of his girlfriend Nancy Spungen, who was found dead at New York’s Chelsea Hotel, which begat the Rough Trade Records music store becoming a record label signing almost exclusively punk-inspired bands, which begat film director Derek Jarman releasing the cult punk-themed film Jubilee featuring Adam Ant, Toyah Willcox, Siouxsie and the Banshees, and Malcolm McLaren protégé and early punk fashionista Jordan, which begat Blondie achieving worldwide success with their third album Parallel Lines, mixing together the style of ’60s vocal pop, garage, and the energy of the new punk rock movement, which begat Debbie Harry becoming a new icon for the younger generations, which begat the death of Sex Pistols’s Sid Vicious from a heroin overdose at the age of 21, which begat the 1979 release of two movies by The Who, who go on tour and 11 fans are trampled to death at their Cincinnati concert, which begat the invention by Phillips of the audio CD, which begat the Tesco Vee fanzine Touch and Go, which would be a highly influential label, which begat the 1980 murder of John Lennon in front of his New York apartment, which begat Joy Division lead singer Ian Curtis committing suicide at the age of 23, which begat creation of Dischord records in Washington, D.C., which begat the rest of the band going on to become New Order, which begat The Germs’ lead singer Darby Crash committing suicide at the age of 22, which begat KROQ establishing the Top 106.7 Countdown, which The Clash and Dead Kennedys both reached the same year, which begat documentary filmmaker Penelope Spheeris capturing the Los Angeles punk scene in the cult hit The Decline of Western Civilization, featuring interviews by Southern California punk bands Alice Bag Band, Black Flag, Catholic Discipline, Circle Jerks, Fear, The Germs, and X, which begat the release of the semidocumentary film Rude Boy starring Ray Gange as a roadie for The Clash, which begat R.E.M. debuting their singular brand of Soouthern-infused jangle rock at St. Mary’s church in Athens, Georgia, which begat Henry Rollins becoming lead singer of Black Flag, which begat the disbanding in 1981 of Paul McCartney’s Wings after 20 hits, which begat the debut of MTV running around-the-clock music videos, debuting with “Video Killed the Radio Star” by the Buggles, which begat critic Lester Bangs OD’ing on cold medicine in 1982, which begat the 1982 disbanding of The Eagles until Hell froze over, which begat members of Crass, The Mob, The Apostles, and others squatting the Zig Zag Club in west London and putting on a free all-day event featuring a number of anarcho-punk bands, which begat the release of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” which begat the creation of Sludge rock powerhouse The Melvins, which
begat the 1982 release of David Bowie’s #1 hit “Let’s Dance” with Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, which begat the debut of the Oklahoma Acid rock spectacle known as the Flaming Lips, which begat the 1984 death of Jackie Wilson, which begat the 1985 recording of “We Are the World” by 46 artists in support of suffering people in the USA and Africa, which begat the death of D. Boon of Minutemen in a car accident later that year, which begat the 1986 Lifetime Achievement Grammy being awarded to The Rolling Stones, which begat the Minneapolis-based record label Amphetamine Reptile bringing a scary, yet vibrant new sound to the table, which begat the 1987 tour of Russia by Billy Joel, which begat Whitney Houston earning her 7th consecutive #1 single in 1988, which begat CDs outselling vinyl records for the first time, which begat superstar ensemble The Traveling Wilburys release of an album just before Roy Orbison died, which begat Milli Vanilli’s win of Best New Artist Grammy in 1989 only to have the award revoked when it was revealed they did not sing on their own debut album, which begat the emergence of two dominant ’90s record labels Merge and Matador, which begat the unquestionably great band The Jesus Lizard, which begat the emergence in 1990 of hip-hop and a Hard Bop revival, which begat Curtis Mayfield (The Impressions) being paralyzed preparing for a stage concert and Stevie Ray Vaughn being killed in a helicopter crash in 1990, which begat Cardinal O’Connor asking the Pope to excommunicate Madonna and the release of Guns N’ Roses Use Your Illusion I and II in 1991, which begat the death of Queen’s Freddie Mercury from complications related to AIDS, which begat Perry Farrell’s outdoor arena-filling spectacle of Lollapalooza, which begat Seattle becoming the core of grunge rock with groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam and Prince changing his name in 1992, which begat the end of U2’s 2-year Zoo/Zooropa World Tour in 1992, which begat compact discs surpassing cassette tapes as the preferred medium for recorded music, which begat the creation of Chunklet, the world’s most influential magazine, which begat the not-as-influential rock magazine Magnet, which begat inception of the Omaha-based Saddle Creek label, which begat the 1994 suicide of Kurt Cobain, which begat the beginning of a new British Rock Invasion by bands like Blur, Oasis, and Pulp, which begat the opening of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum in Cleveland, which begat the Washington State all-girl power troupe Sleater-Kinney, which begat Neil Young and Pearl Jam recording and performing together, which begat the formation of alt-country experimentalist Wilco, which begat the teaming up of Mariah Carey and Boys II Men for “One Sweet Day,” which topped the charts in 1996 for an unprecedented 16 consecutive weeks, which begat Janet Jackson becoming the highest-paid musician in history when she signed an $80 million deal with Virgin Records, which begat every indie band that got signed to a major label during the Nirvana craze being dropped, which begat the 1997 Lilith Tour spotlighting female headliners, which begat the debut of ex-Kyuss members new band The Queens of the Stone Age and the emergence of red-and-white-clad duo The White Stripes, which begat the snuggly soft sounds of the Glaswegian band Belle and Sebastian, which begat the formation of Sub Pop tunesmiths The Shins and Bellingham-based good-intention rockers Death Cab for Cutie, which begat the 1998 death of Frank Sinatra at the age of 82 and the exit of Ginger Spice from the popular Spice Girls and The Rolling Stones giving concerts in Russia and Ringo Starr’s Fourth All Starr Band, which begat the 1999 release of Anson Funderburgh & The Rockets featuring Sam Myers chart #1 on Living Blues radio poll, which begat the merger of two major recording labels, Universal and Polygram, causing upheaval in the recording industry, which begat the kick-off of Woodstock ’99 in Rome, New York, which begat concertgoers complaining that the spirit of the original Woodstock had been compromised and commercialized, which begat trust-fund brats The Strokes temporarily taking over everything in music, which begat the sad murder (some claim “suicide”) of Elliot Smith in his home in Los Angeles, which begat arty disheveled Canadian collective The Arcade Fire swaying dominance over the world of smarmy record store employees worldwide, which begat the Dead rising and every band that had ever been together reuniting for one last reunion tour, well maybe not “the” last.